An abusive Relationship or Marriage is a difficult place to be.
In most cases it’s the man that abuse their wives, but in recent times the equation is changing, we have found few women too doing same. There are different categories of abuse.
The first class is Male against Female, while second class is the reverse. The third class, both parties are equally abusive. There are other ones, between parents and children, and so on.
Whatever class it is, it should not be tolerated, encouraged or accepted in anyway or form.
Now abuse can be physical, psychological, emotional, mental, and the list continues. Either your husband or wife beat you up, slaps or push you physically, do not wait till he adds another trend to his or wicked trait, STOP him or call for assistance. Do all you can to protect yourself, including calling the police & neighbors for help.
Abusive people do not know when enough is enough, so you must stop them! Don’t start hoping or wishing he/she will stop one day! .
Some lovely women and men have died carelessly from abusive spouses while they were hoping that the other party will change, some have been brutally injured, disfigured, and they have had to live with the rest after the abuser left them for another woman/ men eventually.
It starts with as little as aggression, arguments, shouting, throwing things, verbally insulting, etc.
Few things to do are the following incase you find yourself in this situation:
Be objective about it, discuss about your concern and the consequence, when you can with your spouse.
Let him know how you feel about it, and what decisions you will take if it ever happens, you need to clear his/her mind about the consequence should it ever happens.
Don’t be ambiguous, be straight and direct, saying it in the most polite way, so he/she doesn’t think you are bragging or threatening.
If you like you can make it your mission statement, if you like it can become your marriage anthem, or part of your prayer. All I care about is that you need to remold the mindset of your spouse, incase it was a norm when he was growing up, then you must make him wakeup!, things have changed, he/she must move with time.
I will also suggest, you discuss with one mutual friend of the family about this challenge you both have, there is no point hiding what is definitely obvious.
Talking to a professional and a faith based counselor, might be a good idea and most importantly, both of you must grow up!
This aspect of growing up, maturing, is the most essential in such issues. Divorcing the man/woman straight away is should never be the first option. It’s like you have a water leak in your house, what will you do? Try and fix it, I suppose. But however if you leave the house and get into another and same situation occurs, what will you do?!.
Sometimes (not always), it’s better to deal with issues, if we can, rather than look for alternatives.