ARE MEN LIARS AND DECEIVING?!

The answer to this is YES and NO, depending on your opinion or perspectives. Let me try and explain this as much as i can. Many men feel angry when accused by their wives, calling them liars, and this trigger lack of trust-issue, women are angry that their men are all liars, infact perpetual smooth operators. But if we look into the synopsis of this issue you may change your mindset and understand better why things happen the way it does.

Lying can be defined in its simplest term as, not saying the truth, or saying something contrary to the truth, exaggerating, concealing all known information, etc. Also the concept of perception also plays a significant role in actual understanding of the contextual understanding of this subject.

Now this is not peculiar to men alone, women too tell lies, even children, nobody need to be taught, no college offers such courses that teaches anybody to lie. However people do lie, we all have the ability to lie, the tendency to lie is always easy too, but it takes ‘retraining of our persona’ to come to a point where you can ask yourself, why should i lie?

For children, they pick it up so fast, i speak as a father of four beautiful children, i can tell you that the first sin any child commit as they come into this world and starts to speak is lie. But if the parents don’t  help them  to overcome this menance, the child grows up with problem as a way of life. Most people (not all though), who enjoy lying today, started from their youth. The infants became boys, yet still lying and eventually became men, husband, and their wives are wondering why they lie?!.  

Why do men lie?

This will be almost same for why do women or children lie? The first issue will be (1) (fear), if a child is afraid of you he/she will not tell you the truth. Just imagine a man that is afraid of discussing with his wife, they will both end up fighting over every little conversation. Or imagine a woman that treathens suicide each time the man confesses over an offence between then, or shows the tendency to expose and embarrasse her husband will never hear the truth from her husband. (2): Shame: He/She probably knows he has done what he shouldn’t have done, or he had not done something right, the self awareness may sometimes, create a sense of shame on his person. So the first thing his intellect will tell is to cover up or defend himself.Women , sometimes when you find your husband arguing, defending themselves, raising their voices at you, just remember that you may not be wrong after all!, he might just be fighting withnhis own sense of shame.  (3)The consequence : he might start thinking of the after-mat, the reaction that comes from you, or other people who may know about the situation. All these play alot of important role what you are going to hear from your man. If he’s going to tell you the truth or not.

If you add the (1), (2) and (3) above to his upbringing, i am sure things should have started getting clearer to you. 

If a man is trained and he himself had trained himself to always be truthful in all situation, it’s very unlikely he would change from it, except in some certain circumstances, that repeats any of (1), (2) or (3) above or a combination of any of them.

If a man is afraid of his wife, he will never the truthful to her, as far as he’s concern, he will always want to defend himself. He will try to prove he’s truthful by telling more lies to convince the wife. This, our survey had shown produces distrust(even where they are no visible evidence), the way a woman is wired is that she quickly knows when you are lying to her, even if she does’t challenge or question you, sometime she can decide to play along, but that doesn’t mean she cannot sense that something is wrong somewhere. The only thing you can beat a woman to is DECEIT, they don’t get that well enough, men can deceive them but you cannot lie to them, they will catch you.

If whatever he ‘s done is shameful to him or to other people concern, or those who may hear about it, he will never tell you the truth. Not because he likes to lie, as far as he’s concern, it’s just the situation that has driven him this far. There’s no man that enjoy telling lies but circumstances is messing up with his mind and he cannot manage that. In fact when you call him a liar he get mad over that; even though he has lyed, he doesn’t want to be called a liar. ( he’s trapped,in his own weakness, he cannot explain to you what’s happening to him, however he expects you to understand). You will often hear men say things like, ‘you can’t understand it, even if i explain’, or ‘how i wish you understand’, when any of your men say that to you, he’s passing a non verbal message to you, which he cannot explain beyond a threshold, else he would lose his face (figurative).This will break his shell and the ego is wounded or damaged.

Solution: Woman don’t ever make your men afraid to tell you the truth, even when it hurts, its’ better you know than be lied to. 

If your men is afraid of you or if telling you the truth is going to bring shame to you, why should he tell you the truth another time ?. Some women do not know how to manage marital problems or relationship problems, so they expose their men’s problem to external forces, who makes things worse for them, and looks down on their men. That’s why some of these men will continually lie not because they love to; but to save their shame. The  key solution to all these is better communication.

These men in question know that lying is bad, they don’t like to do it; but they do, you can tell that this is frustrating to them, yet they cannot stop it, they are like someone hooked on drugs, they need your help women. They can’t stop lying except you help them, my wife helped me too. She made me to stop lying to her. She told me, ‘ tell me everything honey, i was afraid of opening the box initially, but she told me,  we can both deal with it and handle it right, if we cooperate’. I never told her lies again, 

The last one is, the man knows fully well that you cannot handle the truth, so he’s thinking, ‘ what if she collapses?’. ‘what if this affects our future together?’. ‘what if she never forgives me?’, ‘ what if it creates a ripple effect?’, and many more. These and many more is what an average man has to consider before he can come and speak the truth. Although he might want to but the woman has to create an enabling atmosphere for him to open up without any prejudice.

 

 

 



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One Comment to ARE MEN LIARS AND DECEIVING?!

  1. ola says:

    Your opinion is highly aprreciated

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