God, the creator of all living things, particularly, human
God, the creator of all living things, particularly, human
beings and animals, created an affection and attraction for the opposite sex in
each and every living things He created.
It is natural for all male animals therefore to be attracted
to the female animals of their kinds. Only in some strange scenario, you will
find a male animal, say; a dog cross-sexing with a female monkey, or a female
lioness with a male Hyena. How does this sound in your ears?
Same pattern, for male man, we get attracted to opposite
sex. And that’s ideal, any other configuration is an abnormality.
Marriage is ideally therefore a union between a man and a
Should they both (male and female), be uniquely compatible?
I hear of people talk about this daily, some say they are
looking for ‘bone of their bone and flesh of their flesh’ or some men say, ‘they
are looking for their own Eve’.
Unfortunately these phrases might have had some connection
with the bible, but it has been wrongfully handled. Cain, Abel, Abraham, Isaac,
Jacob, Esau, David, Solomon, and many other people in the bible never used any
of these same phrases. It never repeated itself in any part of the bible.
(Bible says, the validity for a scripture to be established, is that it must reoccur
at least two or three times in the bible)
So the issue of bone of my bone will never happen. Bad
news!, for those people looking for the bone of their bones, it’s a waste of
time. Every man and every woman is good, although they can misbehave and act
wrongly, that does not take away the fact that they good.
We have a good relationship or marriage when we have men and
women behaving matured, living responsibly and decently. I think the outcome of a woman’s or man’s
behaviour is subject to a lot of prevailing factors which we shall endeavour to
From my survey, I discovered that most men who behave as
monster to their wives, may not behave the same way to another woman, and that
sequence continues. The converse may also be true that, some men might be good
at home and be different to other people they meet outside.
The key issue is not who the man is, but what he does, what
he’s capable of doing, how he handles challenges, how he handle positive or
negative changes and many more. If the man you are married to or about to marry
scores zero in most of the characteristics we are going to examine, that does
not mean, he’s a bad man. Infact he’s a good man with ‘challenging character’.
When these challenging character escalates or becomes unmanageable,
then it leads to a bad marriage, separation, divorce and this may lead to a dysfunctional
home if the issue are left unmanaged.
When a man or woman does not understand this balance factor,
they tend to assume there is a better man or woman from the one they have
Experience have shown most of us that you would not have
tried more than two or three other women before your mind convince you of your
level of stupidity. There are no better women or better men,( we only have good
men and women), there are no bad men and women either, the issues are character
defect ( these can be managed).
FEW THINGS YOU SHOULD
Love: If the perception
of the definition of ‘love’ to your man is ‘sex’, all about ‘sex’. Or if his
definition of love is ‘all about what he buys, gives, does to them or about
himself, what you give him,etc. This is a WARNING SIGN!
your man does not have respect for his own word, if he cannot be trusted with
anything, if he is quick to change his words, decision and promises. This is WARNING SIGN!
Self Interest: If your man loves to be worshipped, if he is all
about himself, if his life revolves all around him, if the whole world and your
relationship rotates about his needs. This is a WARNING
Pride/Arrogance: If your man loves people to apologise
to him, but he finds it difficult to say sorry when he is wrong. Or if your man
says sorry quite easily without meaning it. This is a
His attitude to others: The best way to understand your man
is not what he does to you, but what he does to others. This is a WARNING SIGN
I advise every woman or man not to jump into marriage until
they have had a good relationship. Through relationship, you can explore all
possibilities, objectively investigate his character, instead of trying to
concentrate on guiding him to make a self-imposed decision.
I do not encourage couples to marry because they have to do
it anyway, rather, their decision should be borne out of their self-persuasion
that, they believe they can ‘manage’ each other’s diversified characters. Each
person would have negative character and a positive one too.
Most women are always concentrating on the positive
character of their spouses, he his good, he is handsome, intelligent, rich,
gentle, caring, just to mention but a few. These are what most women look for
in a man( these are the positive attribute of a man) but there is a negative
attribute though, that men tend to shy away from. They do not want many people
to know these.
They will do all they can to hide theses away from you, some
they may show to their closes friends, or some other people who may come in
contact with them, but be rest assured, he will never show these to you
particularly, except you discover them.
Some of these negative characters will be kept till after
marriage, when you start living together, or as you progress into many years in
your relationship or marriage.
When these negative character starts to show up, ladies or
women start to assume, ‘this guy is changing!’. Good news!, he is not changing,
it’s just that you have just uncovered and discovered what you over sighted for
a long time.
Men would do anything to keep these covered, you will only
get these, if you are realistic and objective. During relationship, ‘men are
actors on stage’, but after marriage, ‘men are actors turned real’. If you
cannot discover who he is, what he is capable of doing, what he does, and all
other positive and negative characteristics, it will be a surprise after
marriage, if you discover that ‘it was your fault’. I have heard many women
tell me this!
Some women say,’ it was my fault, I saw this coming’, others
will say, ‘ I knew he was like that, but I ignored it, I was hoping he’d
Women you need to be realistic and objective, do not live in
deceit and self-denial, assumption is the cheapest form of knowledge!, wake up!
Watch out for more info on how to
deal with the negative character and manage marital issues.